key_illusion | [Asgard] IC Contact ♛ (OLD)

Still alive in the real world, aren't I? [Notlookingnotlookingnotlooking.] It's just...sometimes. Not every night.

Yeah, but... [He's concerned. It's almost like how he constantly reviews the painful memories, both Roxas' and his own. But that's a flaw (or a perfection?) in his programming and not meant to create personal relief.]

Do you want to stop?

Edited 2013-05-16 06:37 (UTC)

...it's sort of like...like roleplaying. In my dreams, I can act out any sort of story I want without consequence and it's sort of therapeutic in a way. [Draco that is the opposite of therapeutic.] Besides, I've watched people actually die. I've tortured enough people that I may as well join them.

[Now, ??? shakes his head. Somehow, it's not strange to hear what Draco's done. He's done some horrible things in Asgard too.]

It's bad that you've done something like that. Torturing others...is not easily forgivable or at all.

But thinking along the lines that you might as well be dead for what you've done isn't right either. If you regret the choices you've made, you should approach it differently. Hurting yourself for it is probably just as bad as running away from your problems. [He shrugs.] But that doesn't mean it's not a comfortable solution in comparison.

Half the time I wonder if it'd be easier to end it and bail before the war's over. I don't exactly have a way to approach the regret head on without being murdered. If I'm going to die, I want it to be by my own hands. [He almost let Potter get away with it, but then Snape arrived and saved him. But still, he just shrugs casually.]

Do me a favor and don't tell Jade. I'm trying to uphold the illusion that I'm quasi-normal.

...It's okay, I won't. She could barely handle the idea of me disappearing back in my world, and there wouldn't be any incentive for me to tell her.

[But he sighs while folding his arms.]

But just so you know, I'm going to stop you if you try to destroy yourself here.

I'm already kind of a shitty boyfriend, I don't need that added to it. Thanks though.

[But he shrugs.] Very funny. You make it sound as though it's something that's stoppable. Trust me, Sunny, I don't plan on completely destroying myself. [Just letting himself get the crap beaten out of him by girls. At least the last of his bruises are practically faded away.]

[Welp, there's that.] I figured you two would get together at some point.

There's a difference between trying to break yourself and trying to destroy yourself. But hey-- [He rises up from his seat.] I think there may be a lot of people suffering in Asgard. Wouldn't that be the best for the gods, having people like that?

...yeah. [He actually looks sort of sheepish, sort of pleased.] She doesn't really want to go around telling everyone though, obviously. I can't blame her.

What, having suicidal people? I suppose...it is some show of emotion.

Because she has a weird track history of romantic interests? [AT LEAST THAT'S HOW HE SEES IT.]

You've been hurting, haven't you? Feeling emotional pain is still a feeling. Regret and everything else still counts.

Something like that. She doesn't want word getting back to certain people.

I'm going to control it all myself. I'm not letting the gods prosper on my thoughts this time.

Hah, I can imagine... [But he's moving towards Draco now, only to reach out and give a little flick to his forehead.]

You know, even if you don't want to help the gods, you have friends who will want to help you.

[There's a sound of protest with the forehead flick, jerking his head back a bit to stare at him.]

Why do you think I keep most of this under wraps?

Yeah, I get that. But they're still there, if you do decide you need help. [And in ???'s mind, Draco could probably benefit more than he could ever.]

It'll be fine. [He just shakes his head.] I've been doing everything on my own for the last seventeen years.

Jade won't like to hear that. Although, I get what you mean. It's hard to rely on someone else.

[Gosh, Draco, way do you have the same issues as he does?]

There's a lot of things about me I doubt Jade would like to hear. That's why I'm not going to tell her. Honestly? If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Even now I'm barely teaching Euri the basics of the potions for her to help at the apothecary. I trust her and everything, but it's much easier for me to rely on myself.

[Okay but that doesn't explain why you are practically glued to ???'s side today, dude.]

Maybe that's just how we are. [Yes, 'we'.] I may have problems too, but I'd rather achieve something by myself. I'd rather take care of myself on my own too.

Heh, do you think it's a trust issue? I don't like people who care about me getting upset either.

[He pauses then, regarding ??? with a curious look. "We." Was it possible that it really was a similar mindset?]

...and that's why you and I are continually working on research and projects alone, it seems. [???'s just making more progress but that's because Draco gets distracted by being a dramatic asshole.]

I don't trust people easily. My father always said that people can't exactly be trusted anyway.

Ah, right... [Even if he can create some sort of array that will turn him human, he still continues to do research on his own.]

I barely trusted anyone when I first arrived, although you can probably blame Roxas and all my friends now for being a little bit better. But...it's still hard. Even after all the growing I've done.

[He has Euri. Euri would be more than happy to help, he's sure, but he's much happier working alone because he's the only one who knows his actual motivations. But he settles for nodding because he knows ??? will understand exactly that.]

Because of all the things in all the worlds, trust is still one of the scariest things out there. It's essentially handing someone your life and hoping that they won't crush it with their bare hands the moment you blink. I still barely trust people here and I've been 'round for months.

Yeah, that's right. And it's even harder when the one you trusted the most breaks that...

[He is so talking from experience.]

But don't think I got better at this than you. I practically cheated with Roxas since he's the one who showed me the way.

[And Namine too, but he still doesn't like connecting himself to her. For her safety.]

[He just snorts. Considering he's just now realizing how fucked up his life is thanks to his father, who he trusted, he gets it. Really.]

...no offense to you, obviously, but Roxas never really struck me as the brightest person to learn from.

Yeah? Well, when I first found out about you, I really wanted to punch you in the face for bothering him.

[This smile exactly, Draco.]

He's smart when he needs to be, but...he was really naive at the time too. Really naive. Always naive until the bad things hit him. [His gaze is drifting off now, looking a bit wary.]

He had his memories messed with at the time he came to Asgard. It's not his fault.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject