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[key_illusion]

[All you can hear is the sound of static.]

Comments

[corona]

[ What she'd like to say is "if you die, I'll kill you". What comes out is: ] I can make you a sedative if you want. If it's that bad. But - Only if you want.

[ Largely because she has some idea of what he's feeling; it's the sentiment that gives her the hunch - the fact that his usual snarky text responses are a little less snarky and a little more like the way she'd talked for a while after Kate died. ]

[key_illusion]

Sedatives don't work on me.

[Most things wouldn't unless it had a digital component. For now, he has to deal with the guilt and the memory of killing Roxas that's slowly becoming clearer.]

[glistens]

[ There's no sense asking this next part then (he knows his body far better than she and she trusts him to that much), but

it seems like the thing to do. ]

Is there anything that will? It doesn't have to be medication.

[key_illusion]

No. Not right now at least.

[Consider this a rare moment thanks to the fatigue and guilt dragging him down:] Someone really important to me is afraid of me now. I don't think I'll sleep well until that changes.

[corona]

Be... cause of something you did, right? [ Her stomach lurches. And for the first time she hopes she's wrong. ] Something that was out of your control?

[key_illusion]

Yes.

[And he'll never lose control again. He won't let it happen twice.]

[glistens]

[ She could - should, even - tell him it wasn't his fault; she could also tell him that his friends will forgive him too eventually; and maybe, three days ago, she would tell him both. ]

I'm sorry. It happened all over.

[key_illusion]

[Even if she did tell him both, he wouldn't believe it.]

Yeah, I know. It was bad.

[glistens]

Was this the first time you'd seen something like that?

[key_illusion]

I think the situation was unique enough so that it'd be anyone's first time seeing it.

It wasn't completely new to me either. I'm used to the darkness and things that come from it. [But he's used to Heartless rather than possessed people.]

[glistens]

Ah. It's... the second one. That's what I meant. [ with half a laugh ] I heard people saying they'd seen things like this everywhere back home. Certain people more than others.

But that wouldn't make it easier, no.

[key_illusion]

No, it wouldn't. [Though he's more numbed out against those type of things unless it involves people he cares about.]

What did you do while the darkness was here?

[glistens]

[ Technical homicide, she wants to say; chooses, ] What I could [ instead. ]

I'm sure a lot of people would be pretty angry... My odds weren't very high but I survived anyway.

[key_illusion]

[And he's not going to mention how he purposely hunted down the Taken while he could.] That's what everyone did, I think.

No, they wouldn't. Maybe jealous, but not angry. I'm pretty sure most want you alive.

[glistens]

[ She doesn't know why she asks. She's never seen his face, doesn't know where he's from or what he really is. What he wants. What he's afraid of. There's no logical reason for her to ask what she does.

Maybe that's why. ]

Do you think it's wrong to feel guilty? Is it... selfish to wish I'd been the one in their place?

[key_illusion]

[It takes awhile for his next text to go through, but mostly because he has to really think on those certain questions there's still his headache and lack of energy to keep in mind.]

If "their place" is becoming possessed, then I think you're being stupid to want something like that.

If you feel guilty about surviving, does that mean you'd have rather died instead of other people so they wouldn't have to? I wouldn't say that's selfish since you want to protect someone. It just means you care about others a lot.

Feeling like that isn't wrong though. [At least she can feel, and that's what counts the most.]

[corona]

[ likewise, it's awhile before she speaks ]

...Sorry. I wasn't— I didn't mean to turn this into an interrogation.

[key_illusion]

I wouldn't really call this an interrogation. You're feeling down, and I'm answering questions.

[corona]

Well sure... [ She starts with a shrug... until she realizes he can't see that. ] But you must be feeling the same.

[key_illusion]

I guess you could say I feel guilty but for a different reason. I already did what you feel selfish for. [Another thing he would never say if he wasn't half out of his mind from sleep deprivation.]

[corona]

[ Rapunzel has the sneaking suspicion that this is going to end up like the few conversations she's had drunk: one big, messy chunk of remorse in her impaired memory. ]

Are you sure? [ she laughs ] I feel guilty for a lot right now. Survival is just part of it.

What's your reason?

[key_illusion]

I murdered my best friend while possessed, and I can still hear him yelling in my head for me to stop.

[His best friend, his original, and someone who he wants to protect more than anything.]

[corona]

[ Again: the silence; not as long as the last, but held with far greater significance. ]

... This isn't going to stop is it? The attacks. They're going to get worse. More people are going to die.

[key_illusion]

That's not really a question, is it?

[It makes him wonder if this place is better than the reality back home that's waiting for Roxas.] We have to be prepared. Enough so that there will be less damage even if it does get worse.

[glistens]

We have to be prepared and decisive. We have to know what we want out of this, what we're going to do, and to know how we're going to do it. We can't sit around thinking we'll make the choice when the time comes. It's either we fight or we don't.

I spent all this time thinking that the war wasn't important because nothing bad had happened yet. I took for granted that my friends would always be around. And I know I'm not the only one.

People can't think like that anymore. What you went through? It wasn't necessary. The choice you made is a choice no one should have to make.